Gone In A Second

             I don’t ever want to doubt, may it be my friends, classmates, siblings or anyone in particular. Doubt eats you up once it starts to cling to you, and maybe it fades away after some occasions, but the thing is, the doubt was there. And the ugly fact is that you don’t doubt those whom you’ve known well. But what if the moment comes that you just have the reason to doubt?

            Maybe I’m just talking about disappointment here, but I lately, I am unable to differentiate the shades of emotions I’m feeling. I have been flying from extreme euphoria of freedom that I recently achieved, then to the crushing world of rejection. I hardly even realize that I’m feeling something else already because I was still coping with the previous feels. So sometimes, I find myself listening to mellow songs around midnight and occasionally rejecting my study schedule because I was mentally, physically and psychologically drained.

“Wa nako kabalo unsa’y tinuod, tapos di pud ko kabalo kinsay tuohan ug aha ko mubase ani tanan.”

           I am so preoccupied with my struggles that I lose chips of myself just trying to get through another 24 hours. I cry for no reasons, but sometimes I know what it was for, I just didn’t want to admit.

           Things are getting pretty worse and choking. I have to find ways of consoling me before the scars open up again, because I’m pretty sure next time I won’t be able to save myself.

                                                                                                                                         

The Wrong Message

Although they are blurry images, the enjoyment I had during my childhood years is as clear as a crystal. I can completely recall how I would scramble to go out of the house as soon as the sun's rays turn orange and how I fast I could return home right before the skies get completely dark. I remember how much fun I had with the kids in the neighborhood every time we play badminton in the afternoon and how proud I felt every time I win a game.

What we had was legit.

Beauty as know it.

But then, the inevitable inevitably happens. I grew up, forgot my playmates' names, learned a lot in life and exposed myself to the new world I helped created. And what it came out to be isn't beneficial to my generation as I believed it would be. Every day, I lie on my bed fresh from the flashing images either from the television set or the computer screen. These colored pictures retain in my mind, and unavailingly, they form a constant idea in my head, and exhaust themselves on what we know as actions.

 If you as a 90’s kid can still imagine the world as we knew it before, you would know that sex and abortion were two terms that did not exist in our vocabulary then, and even if it did, we have the wrong idea about it. I’d say that because I am a part of that generation. I’ve only come to confirm about the true meanings of these words when curiosity led me to it that is as much as how influential my peers could get. They too, have suffered the influence of media longer than I did, especially the boys who struggle with all their might just to have a carefree hour of internet surfing. Surfing lessons? Nah, its more sensual than that. Some YouTube porn videos aren’t even blocked, so you can be quite sure any 10 year old can view that crap, or any computer-oriented child for that matter.

What about girls then? Well, our case as ladies is as worse. I sadly regret how I allowed myself to go on in a stressful diet ever since I reached puberty. I was willing to risk life and limb just to attain those curves every girl is fussing about. My thoughts are filled  with “How attractive is that fair skin and luscious lips!” Followed by, “I wish I were as pretty as her.” Has self-confidence thrown itself out the window?  Where has individuality hid itself?  I pray it’d come out soon, for people have been losing their dignity by the second ever since media sent out the message of physical beauty limitation. Those ladies who follow this message will not bring out in the ocean a gentleman, but only an immature and ruthless  boy.

Am I the only one who doesn't find this cute at all?

Next thing, it’s disgusting to think how the media has sent out the idea of how kids today do the process of admiring someone. I could only shake my head watching those movies about “love” starting at the playground.  Seriously?  During my elementary years, playground was where we chase our friends until we run out of breath. Yet the media airs the opposite all the time. They spread the normality of these early ‘engagements’. I honestly confess that I adhered to that normality before and considered it typical, thus  twisting my self-worth.

What about health? Nothing new still. If I say, ” I would never allow myself to drink poison that would certainly kill me in future time! ” It sounds good, but how come meals are never complete without soda on the table? That would've been quite the same with a early-death assurance. Do we really need to consume carbonated water every time we want to experience ‘happiness’? NO, but  we have never taken time to assess the info we see on TV. Just drink the whole bottle and get over it. The wrong message spreads again.

When will the public ever think critically of how influential the commercial ad world has become? Let’s go away with biased opinions of media.  Be the change, will you? Be the person you want the earth to be left to in the future.

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The Water-Blessed City

Who could possibly know Iligan City much better than an Iliganon himself? 

Of the entire populace of the world, I am very blessed to be one of the lucky Homo Sapiens who are qualified to call themselves Iliganons. Being an Iliganon means so much more than to have been born in this majestic city. A true Iliganon knows his city, defends his city and appreciates his city's wonders. Throughout my whole existence, I have the Iliganon identifier attached to my name, and it should just serve right for the whole world to be aware why, in my most honest opinion, my Iligan City is a water-blessed city.

Iligan Bay
(c)  http://www.wilstop.info/2007/10/06/sceneries-youll-found-in-iligan-city-philippines/

Located at the northern joint of Mindanao, Iligan City houses plentiful attractions that even I myself is always enthralled to view. These prominent landmarks are of course, by a hint of the city's identifier, has to do with water. Even in the onset of arrival in the city is marked by the breathtaking sea-side view at the highway's right path. One could just stare out to the horizon, especially during sunsets, and breathe the clean air brought about by the winds from the shores of northern Mindanao. The boardwalks were already improved to attract road travelers to park their cars for a while and get a big deep breathe-in. But the water fun doesn't stop here.

The Wonderful Ma. Christina Falls
(c)  Edgar Alan Zeta-Yap

It has been mentioned before, and it shall be mentioned over and over again. Iligan City will always be the home of the world-famous 320 feet -highMaria Christina Falls. The falls is a part of the Agus River that empties on the edge where the National Power Corporation is located. The infamous rock at the falls midsection is completely responsible for splitting the falls in half, therefore deriving its other name as the twin falls.  I should warn you though that one should really get a tight grip on the railing while  watching the roller coaster water flow below.  The strong current causes hydroelectric energy to be harnessed from the said falls, which serves as another reason why it gained  popularity in the whole southern Philippines. NPC opens its gates to all who wishes to see the famous falls beauty by installing in its premises, a national park. The corporation has made innovations in the area which allowed the spectators to engage in other activities while still in close distance to the falls. Zip lines and a zoo has been constructed for everyone's enjoyment which comes at affordable prices. 

The Cascades of Tinago Falls
(c)  Edgar Alan Zeta-Yap

Hopping to another water spot would lead us to  Tinago falls, which, in Cebuano means hidden. The  location has lived up to that identifier for the falls is located 13.8 kilometers away from the city proper. This does not include the 300-step adventure that ends up to the falls hidden setting. Tinago's beauty shares uniqueness with the Maria Christina. The waters gives an sparkle-like illusion when viewed complementing to the sun's rays. The water's fall is inclined to an angle which webs the flow into further sections. A gacket made of bamboo is provided for anyone that wishes to feel the water fall directly to their bodies. Tinago's waters is also known for its coldness.

Going further to the water side of Iligan brings us to the swimming pools cluster located at Timoga.

You might as well think again if you're in the midst of questioning what special factor these pools hold. All of the three prominent pool establishments namely, Mimars, Delamar, and Holiday share the Iligan waters coldness and cleanliness, and the fact that the flowing waters directly comes from the adjacent mountains of the location. Even travelers from neighboring cities would prefer Iliganon waters to bathe themselves into, for according to them, "lahi ra jud ang tubig sa Iligan". It does not suggest the presence of cleaning agents, in its smell or color .Furthermore, the well-innovated pool environment guarantees enjoyment to all pool-goers.

Mt. Agad-Agad
(c) geraldinetoring.blogspot.com/2009/04/mt-agad-agad-adventure.html

Our spot hunting does not entirely deal with getting your feet wet anymore, for this time, we roam to one of the surrounding mountains of Iligan, T\the Mt, Agad-agad. The mountain's name suggests that anyone can easily climb the mountain even if you have no trekking experience at all. That is, you caneasily  agad your friends to climb the mountain any day. When you have reached the top, a spectacular view of the whole city would greet your eyes as well as the starry night when the moon starts to shine. Mt. Agad-agad is open to all adventurous types out there, so make sure to add that to your list.

Mt. Agad-Agad; Day and Night
(c)geraldinetoring.blogspot.com/2009/04/mt-agad-agad-adventure.html

Iligan Tartanilla

(c) virtualtourist.com/travel/Asia/Philippines/Iligan_City/

Following all those swimming and trekking fun,a nice walk around the city would be a great turn-out activity.  Fortunately, tartanilyas or horse carriages still roam the few streets of Iligan. Enough with the fast going cars zooming here and there, and appreciate the slow paced drive of the beautifully decorated rides and horses. The city even conducts a tartanilya-decorating contest during festival periods to acknowledge the horse carriages' characterization of the city.

Lechon for Everyone
(c)  http://tripwow.tripadvisor.com/slideshow-photo/iligan-lechon-for-everybody-iligan-philippines.html?sid=49268214&fid=fb-7918329374809680794

I'd also add to this line-up the superb Lechon houses scattered around the city. In fact, every fiesta celebration, a lechon baboy contest is held participated by the prominent lechon-makers in the city. The lechon samples were to be enjoyed by anyone who wishes to judge which becomes the winner.

Going around Iligan is never a bore, even to I who's an Iliganon. I may leave the town's premises for a while but I always yearn of going back. There's always that familiar intuition of going around the city knowing that the city is completely water-blessed. I could not completely agree more to most people's comments which is, lahi ra jud ang Iligan. Really, LAHI RA JUD. And the real question to this wouldn't be why you should come to the water-blessed city, but why not.

*An official entry to the Iligan Blogging Contest 2012*

#7 Pop Goes the Weasel

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       I believe I'm not the only one that thinks that the Ice Age Movie Series tops the list when it comes to imagining the Earth in the time of the completely ice climate. The series has never failed to crack me up every time, but as for now, the third installment which was subtitled The Dawn of the Dinosaurs is my all-time favorite.

       The three main protagonists, Diego, Manny and Sid, are still in the spotlight. Only, this time, another was added who was named  Buckminster.  I just love how he talks with an English accent,  so my favorite part of the movie was when he told his co-travelers about his unfortunate fate with the dino-world's scariest dino, Rudy. Buck says it was a very stormy night, he had his back on the wall, and Rudy was right in front of him. Crash asked. "Were you killed?" , and he replies, "Sadly, yes. But, I lived!". The dino scratched Buck's eye which gave Buck "this", while pointing to the eye patch. Crash asked if Rudy gave him the eye patch, literally, which made Buck show an irritated face. Buck continued, and said that the dinosaur succeded in swallowing him whole. Just before he was completely swallowed, he grabbed hold of the dino's uvula, and swinged it "back and forth, and back and forth, and back and forth, and back", pause,"and forth and back and forth". He finally let go, and shot right out of the Rudy's mouth which made the dino lose one of his tooth. That tooth became Buck's infamous dagger. He says the exchange between him and Rudy just fair and it was along with the old saying, ""An eye for a tooth, a nose for a chin, a butt for a...”, well you get the point..

Get ready for another ice-loaded fun with the coolest herd in ancient time and check out the trailer! 

#5 - Ming Ming

One turf..

Two families..

Three generations..

Four characters..

Headed by Director Steven Patrick C. Fernandez, the Integrated Performing Arts Guild (IPAG) graced the stage with the magnum opus entitled Ming Ming, which  was shown in the Mini-Theater of the MSU-IIT last July 23-28, 2012. My block mates and I had the privilege to watch such marvelous drama by the world-renown resident theater company of our institute as a requirement to our English I class. As for me, I had high expectations for the show since I have watched IPAG presentations since high school, and they haven't failed to meet my expectations at all.

Ming Ming tells about how traditions and maratabat or family pride in the Muslim religion has ran the world of an 18 year old Ming Ming. The play starts with the tonongs or spirits bringing her back from the spirit world to watch her life's collage appear before her. Ming Ming discovers her family's darkest secrets that ran for three generations, her true origin and the reason for her death. The play was hard to understand at first since there were no narrations and the characters spoke their lines fast and not in a responsive manner. The script was written for the readers to piece together, and eventually, it would make sense in the end, that is if you have listened carefully. It was as if there was a continuous time travel as each character spoke for there were signifiers in their lines that would indicate in which generation they belonged. The way the script was presented was exemplary, through it, the viewer would be hooked from the start till the end in order to get the plot's gist.

There were only four characters in the play. First would be Ming Ming, the protagonist, played by Dianne Therese Clemente, R, Ming Ming's mother played by Jean Graciela E. Peñola, I, the grandmother, by Venus Tan, and P, the uncle, by Hobart Savior. As what you might've observed, the character names sum up to RIP Ming Ming. True for in fact the protagonist's character in the whole play was depicted as a spirit. 

The whole play was very Muslim in all its depicted principles, structure of society, as well as the script lines. 

One Muslim tradition which was emphasized in the film was how maratabat  influenced each member of the family to do what they did. To start with the first generation, I, sacrificed her secret love in order to respect her family's imposition to marry the elder brother of her secret love (P). Ironic, isn't it? I wonder how many of us would have allowed ourselves to stick to a marriage that we never wanted in the first place. After all, marriage is a lifetime covenant, but the consequences that came with it were unminded by I in the name of the family. The next generation includes R, Ming Ming's mother who was allowed to go away for college but ended up getting pregnant to her Economics professor instead. Such news was devastating for the family, yet it should be noted that it was never mentioned in the play that never did the family thought that R should get  an abortion. It contrasts very much of how our society  nowadays has dealt with teenage pregnancies, which is, literally, bloody. The third generation now includes Ming Ming,who, like her mother, was allowed to fly on her own to go to college. And still, like her mother, she indulged to all dangerous vices and so she was forced to go back home. From then on, she was locked up in her room, only to be served meals three times a day by a mysterious man which was continuously mentioned in the play as "may nakasuksok na baril ". Ming Ming wasn't able to handle the horrors of the dark room that enclosed her and so one day with a bottle of Valium on one hand and gin on another, the 18 year old girl died silently on the dark room. 

I do not agree of how Ming Ming decided to deal with her horrible situation, although I cannot completely blame her for what she has done. If I were in her place, I would never have kept quite with the suffocating tradition that destroyed my innoncence gradually. But then again and again, she isn't to be blamed, for she has known in all the years of her existence that shame in pride is a sin greater than death. For that, I salute the Muslim community for their undying commitment to their traditions without conditions at all.

Furthermore, I also salute the Integrated Performing Arts Guild for allowing us students to watch such wonderful performing arts presentation, and I definitely await for more plays to come.

#4 - The Geometry Teacher

A cliche of change came into my life not more than two years ago. I was then a junior high school student of the Integrated Developmental School, the "hardest" year, according to the previous batches. Indeed, it was, with all the terrifying subjects involved, including two Math courses; Trigonometry and Geometry. And as for me, the cliche of change came with the latter.

Jude John J. Maña Jr., that was his name. He wore eye-glasses, tall, and always tucked-in his polo every time he went to school. Sir Jude, as he was liked to call by many of his students, was assigned to be our Geometry teacher that year. We didn't like him at all at first, maybe because the subject he handled was just too mind boggling, or just maybe because I was never a Math enthusiast. Moreover, I continued to have a bitter treatment on the subject.  It didn't help that our notebooks were thrown to us every time Sir Jude returned them, and that he did a lot of group activities and gave out endless assignments. To summarize it up, the academic part of the class was exhausting. But in contrast to that, what we truly learned in class was what Sir Jude taught by heart. He shared a lot of his experiences as a child, his disappointments, and how God was all a part of his existence. He never failed to enlighten us with his words, and that actually made all of us get the lighter side of things. That's when things started to get pleasant between Sir Jude and our class, III-Radon. He became more like a father to us, thus we called him Daddy Jude.

June and July swept by, and by August, our first grading exams were scheduled. All of us studied hard on our subjects, most specially on Geometry. I threw all bad vibrations I had for the subject, and instead thought of it as an easy one, mainly because Sir Jude made us think that way.But when I went through the exams, it was far from what I studied at all, and I panicked for I really can't afford to fail an exam. I promised myself to complain to Sir why he hasn't warned us of all those things that popped up in the exam. A soon as I was done, I marched straight to the Math Department, and it was there that I learned that Sir Jude was hospitalized for a few days then at the Intensive Care Unit of a nearby hospital. I was completely baffled by the news, and so were my classmates after I had told them. We last saw Sir Jude on July 29,2010,which was a quiz day, so our last meeting wasn't really pleasant. We inquired further about our Sir's conditions and we found out that our teacher had a surgery on another hospital days before and acquired an infection. The infection got worse; the virus had spread throughout his bloodstream and eventually, he was in a coma. The news caused a heartbreak to all of his "children". We never got to see him on campus a week after that, but my classmates and I agreed to visit him every after classes in the hospital. And when we got there, all we saw on that small white room were these tubes and IV lines all connected to our Sir's body. The first thing that I noticed was that Sir had gotten 'fat'. His cheeks got big, and so were the rest of his body. He was only breathing through a medical ventilator, and his eyes were always closed. His skin was pale, like all life was drained out of him.  Still, it gave us hope to see his chest moving in rhythm with the machine he was connected to. Tears poured out of our eyes unconsciously when we stared at our poor Sir's condition. Who would ever thought that this man, who was a very energetic one, could end up bed ridden? We prayed and prayed ,along with the senior students who were also under Sir Jude, that our Daddy would get well soon , and he'd be back to his usual classes once again. For consecutive nights, all I could ever think of doing was to pray for my Geometry teacher's recovery, and fast. It was sort of awkward talking to God then, for I always forget to pray before I sleep. But even so, I prayed wholeheartedly, and it was never like anything I've done before in my whole life. I wasn't prepared to lose Daddy Jude now, not ever. But I knew he was in the brink of it, and all of my prayers were already asking for a miracle.

The next time we went, we wrote a letter for our Sir saying, or more likely, ordering him to get back to school and teach us the lessons because we were falling behind. Sir Jude's wife, Maam Yani read the letter to our teacher, and according to her, Sir Jude laughed. We had high hopes then that sir was getting well, and so we went home with a positive mood. But on August 12,2010, the only day on which my classmates and I agreed not to go because we had tons of requirements at school, at exactly 4:50 pm, Daddy Jude passed away after several heart attacks while undergoing a dialysis.

All we could do then was cry so hard and hugged each other after hearing of such loss. I prayed deeply that night , and asked God of why He took Sir Jude away from us on a time when we longed for him the most. Why now when he hasn't  left a single child to his wife? Why take away the good people when there are in fact a lot of people who don't deserve to live?  The prayers for the nights that followed were long and emotional, and I never failed to wet my pillow every night.

Sir Jude was scheduled to be buried on August 15th , and all sections went to the 1st mass service for him, with  III-Radon as the only 'baby' section. We were allowed to see him for the last time in the coffin which was positioned at the front. He still looked like what we last saw of him on the hospital, only this time, he has make up on and a Barong Tagalog. After a days of vigil, we offered our last prayers at the Ma. Cristina Gardens Chapel. The coffin was slowly lowered and white roses went along with it.

I could still remember how hollow my heart felt at that time. Yet, at that very moment, I understood the reason why Daddy came in and out of my life. Through him, I learned to pray wholeheartedly; to be grateful for every moment that I live; of every moment my heart beats. I understood the real meaning of prayers; it will always connect you to God in all unimaginable ways, and  you can always be assured that He hears your prayers. The answers will be hard to understand at first, but you will, at His time. Moving forward, my memory of Sir Jude now only involves a man with a tucked-in polo with a huge grin permanently stuck on his face. I will never forget the things he taught me, be it about Math or real life, all of it made me thankful of why I live today. I have never failed to pray before sleeping since then. Farewell, Daddy Jude John J. Maña Jr.! Till we meet again! :)

Maam Yani with us, Sir Jude's children, during their 6th Wedding Anniversary (c) Harvey Apal

#3 - Unforgettable? Yes, Sweet? No

If someone so precious to you departs, no description could express how engraved you could get. The feelings could somehow be like watching that person remain in an unknown island while you stand on the ship's deck  shouting frantically for that person to climb on the moving ship and be with you.But he doesn't, simply because the waters separating you are so deep, the fog is thickening and the ship is already dragging you away. And as for the story, "The Sweet Unforgettable Day", the author's grief is somewhat the same.

She wasn't given the opportunity to actually grieve for her Mother's death, evident by the calm tone of the narration even though death was spoken of. Thank God both my parents are still alive, and so are my Abuelito and Abuelita, and I couldn't even stand to think of losing either of them. And when it happens someday, I know I would cling onto anything that would remind me of their presence, be it their dress, image or scent. And I believe, that lead for the characters in the story to have "felt" their mother's presence in the story. When you are desperate for a familiar feeling to rush onto you, in this case, the familiar feeling of her Mom still around, even the most unlikely resemblance of that feeling will be translated into something of the like. For all we know, that scent might be something else, but she claims it to be her mother's, and we can never contradict her enough, for we weren't the ones who experienced the loss. And maybe, this might also explain the controversial "support" of the family to their servants' wedding. The need for a break from mourning was clearly in demand, and so maybe the Father thought it wasn't such a bad idea.

Death shouldn't be feared in the first place, if you know where you'll spend your eternity in. But the pain of those we leave behind just couldn't be defined or expressed in any way. And so, they fear it. Life becomes one piece less complete, but the path goes on.