I don’t ever want to doubt, may it be my friends,
classmates, siblings or anyone in particular. Doubt eats you up once it starts
to cling to you, and maybe it fades away after some occasions, but the thing
is, the doubt was there. And the ugly fact is that you don’t doubt those whom
you’ve known well. But what if the moment comes that you just have the reason
to doubt?
Maybe I’m just talking about disappointment here, but I
lately, I am unable to differentiate the shades of emotions I’m feeling. I have
been flying from extreme euphoria of freedom that I recently achieved, then to
the crushing world of rejection. I hardly even realize that I’m feeling
something else already because I was still coping with the previous feels. So
sometimes, I find myself listening to mellow songs around midnight and occasionally
rejecting my study schedule because I was mentally, physically and
psychologically drained.
“Wa nako kabalo unsa’y
tinuod, tapos di pud ko kabalo kinsay tuohan ug aha ko mubase ani tanan.”
I am so preoccupied with my struggles that I lose chips of
myself just trying to get through another 24 hours. I cry for no reasons, but
sometimes I know what it was for, I just didn’t want to admit.
Things are getting pretty worse and choking. I have to find
ways of consoling me before the scars open up again, because I’m pretty sure
next time I won’t be able to save myself.
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