I ought to share why it took me a long time to come up with this post. You see, it is very unlikely of me to comply with a school requirement just a few days before it was due since I kissed procrastination goodbye back in high school. First of all, I didn't exactly have the time to do or think about it, and second, I didn't know what to write about. Sure, the topic sounds easy, but actually, as I'm encoding this right now, the title bar only reads, "I Stopped Saying ..". My mind is filled with thoughts yet not one of those thoughts seem to satisfy what I want to write about. While I'm sitting in front of the computer, I pause to think every now and then, trying to get my ideas together. Confusing is the word. But still, I will try to end this post.
Maybe, if was still the reckless and mapawalang-bahalang Dinah I was then, I wouldn't have a hard time writing this post. You can say that I was mindless of the people around me back then, therefore I can easily conclude who I have forgotten to thank to. Other people's actions were nothing to be mindful about, be it my Mama, Papa, Mammy or Daddy. (I call my grandparents the latter.) My thoughts drag me back to Prosperidad, Agusan Del Sur, my Papa's hometown . The place is very much what we, at the urban city would like to refer as "bukid". Life was tough for my parents when they struggled to survive living in Iligan for a few years, but then, it wasn't what was to be. We transferred to Agusan ,and at that time, it was only me and my ate Dannielle as my parent's little bundles of joy. So we packed up our bags, got ready for a 10-hour travel, and arrived at the bukid. The house wasn't that small but it wasn't that attractive either, or at least, that's what I remember 10 years ago. My sister didn't stay long at the bukid, since my grandparents came and negotiated things about her schooling. My parents still had a hard time making ends meet, and so Ate was planned to study at Iligan, and as for me, well, I was supposed to stay with Mama and Papa. But then, the toddler Dinah said something ,that up to this day, my Mammy still talks about with watery eyes. She said just right after my papa agreed about leaving me there ,I crawled up to my her and said, "Ako diay mammy? Wa koy uban?" It crushed her heart hearing that from a 5-year old, and so Mammy replied, "Ayy, uban pud ka ging oi." And off we went to Iligan.
If you did the math, you would know that I have lived with my grandparents longer than I had with my Mama and Papa, and that made me more comfortable having Mammy and Daddy around. Of course we visit Prosperidad every chance we get, but , as what I remember, it wasn't enough to bring me close to my parents. There were blurry images, people that Mammy always said I should love, though I didn't really know who they were back then. But as for my grandparents, they raised Ate and me in the best possible manner. They thought us everything. they are the best models I know, God knows how much patience they have used just to get us on the right track, and I'll always be thankful for having Mammy and Daddy in my life.Yet, for all of those times, I wasn't mindful of how I should be thankful with what my Papa and Mama have sacrificed all their lives for Ate and me. I'll never know how many times Mama have cried back at the bukid not being able to experience sending us to school, prepare our lunchboxes, comb our hair, or kiss us goodnight just like any mother would've loved to do with her daughters. And Papa, I'll never be aware of how much he wanted to have Ate and me sitting on his lap after a hard day at work. I never thought of saying thank you to them for all their sacrifices, for all I know, they might just be waiting for us to say it, but I didn't, because I wasn't used to them. I can only imagine how things were so difficult for my parents,and maybe a little "Tenk yoo ma" and "Tenk yoo pa" was just exactly what they needed.
Contary to the post's title, my realization to these engagements were long applied. I have been saying thank you to Mama and Papa for every little thing they do, because I want them to know how much I appreciate their concern, efforts and sacrifices just to make things better for me and my siblings. I know they would do just anything to make sure our future would never be like what they had experienced. I'll never forget how my papa replied when I said thank you to him for bringing home pan last summer. He said, with one of his rare smiles, "Alangan, anak. Love gud tamo."
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